American Horror Story

So as many of you probably already know, last night saw the debut of Ryan Murphy's newest mess with your head spectacular American Horror Story. And sure there's only been one episode but I am exciiiiiiiiiteeeeeed. Pilot episodes are usually a bit shaky, and sure there were things about the pilot that could have been... better. I know I'm in the minority here, but I could have done with MUCH less naked Dylan McDermott. But overall. When it was over I had a whole "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I NEED TO WAIT A WEEK FOR THE NEXT EPISODE????"

Okay, so here's the obligatory synopsis for those of you who weren't lucky enough to catch it, or haven't heard of it, or fall into both categories. It's about this house, all right? This freakishly BEAUTIFUL house in Hollywood, which, of course, everyone who moves into dies really badly. And some people who just stumble into it die pretty bad too, as you see within the first five minutes. The Harmons, our American family who we are going to be sharing our living rooms with every week, move from Boston to said house. They're starting over because Ben (Dylan McDermott) can't keep it in his pants, so his marriage is in need of saving. Wife, Vivien (Connie Britton) is a slightly twitchy ex-cellist, who, while I wasn't too annoyed by, really reminded me of the kind of people that I get cornered by when I occasionally go to Whole Foods, who want to spend five years telling me why I shouldn't drink out of plastic water bottles, and I end up crying or going all Patrick Bateman on them and have to find a new grocery store.

Then there's the daughter, Violet, who I haven't seen in anything, but I probably have warmed to the most, just because I feel like back in the dark ages when I was a teenager we would have gotten on swimmingly. There's also the insane ex-starlet neighbor played by Jessica Lange, which is enough of a reason to watch the show, the creepy house keeper, and a host of minor characters that add to the atmosphere which is already completely AWESOME only one episode in. Mainly the first episode is settling you in the characters and the house, and it does that pretty well ... expect for when it becomes the Dylan McDermott's ass show... then this girl starts to yell at her TV, and attempt to toss pants through the screen.

It's moody and beautiful, and the music, oh sweet jesus, the music. I shouldn't be surprised that the music selection is so wonderful, it is from the team that gave me my number one guilty pleasure show Nip/Tuck, and while many will like to argue with me that Nip/Tuck was trash (and I'm not saying it wasn't), the music was AMAZING. And I seriously could just lick the camera work.

Do I have your attention yet? Because you should be watching this show. Okay, yes, it is a Ryan Murphy show on FX, which means that there is as much violence and sex as they can get onto cable, but we're horror fans! When has boobs and gore ever been an issue for us?

I for one, can't wait to see where it goes next, and am delighted that this is my kick off into my month long Halloween celebration. Well dears and darling, it is nearing the 5AM mark, and it means that it is time for this Spooky confection to crawl into bed before the sun makes an appearance. So Ta for now.

Love and kisses,
♥
Spooky Pie

Geek flail time of the Fang-banger persuasion

Okay, Okay, Okay, Okay, so I am more then a little aware of the fact that I made a pretty damn similar squee-filled post last year. But here's the fact of the matter my chickpeas, I love this stupid show like a bad habit. And, as any of you who watch it may know, last season, like those before it, ended in one hell of a cliff hanger. So For almost a year I've been impatiently awaiting the return of my favorite psychic waitress and her undead vampire beau.

(yes, I'm aware there is a lot of seething internet debate about who Sookie belongs with, and I'm getting into that here other then to just get out of the way that I have always been a Sookie and Bill girl, always will be, and no I am not going to argue about this with you)

So when, a few months ago, a teaser trailer was release, featuring Say Hi's "Devils" I may have gone a little bit mental



But I don't think I should be held responsible for the lethal combination of music I love and my favorite trashy TV show. I mean, really, a girl can only take so much. And really, True Blood is an almost overwhelming combination of more things I love then I would care to admit. So I'm bouncing like a kid who didn't take her Ritalin because ON SUNDAY THE WAIT IS OVER AND MY TRASHY VAMPIRE SHOW COMES BACK. DO YOU GET HOW AWESOME THAT IS??? THAT'S LIKE FOUR DAYS! THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!

And if you aren't psyched, seriously. Get psyched. Watch this damn trailer and get psyched.



And if you still aren't, then Jesus take the wheel, because there is no pleasing you. But keep your negativity to yourself my friend, I will have no raining on my True Blood parade. Especially with how royally my horror TV shows have disappointed me this season, and yes, I'm looking at YOU Supernatural. My only current regret is my lack of proximity to my fellow True Blood nerd friends, because otherwise I would probably be having some sort of ridiculously stupid premiere party with bite mark cookies and Hawaiian punch. Oh well, maybe this girl will have that party by herself.

The Dead Set (Television) - 2008/2010

Oh Britain and your zombies, what am I going to do about you?

I feel like I'm the only person in the horror circuit who didn't fall head over heels for the British five part mini-series "The Dead Set", that aired on IFC Halloween night. I'm not saying that I hated it or anything, I'm just saying that I don't really feel the need to move to a quaint little house in the country and pick out lacy curtains either.

Now here's where I'm going to get a little more un-popular. I am not the hugest fan of zombies. I KNOW I KNOW. What sort of self respecting horror blogger am I if I'm not all:

"WOOO HAAAA! ZOMBIES! NOTHING BUT ZOMBIES ALL THE TIME!!!!! GOD HELP ME! I LOVE ME SOME FREAKING ZOMBIES!"

If that was the sort of talk you were expecting out of me, well, then now is your time to disown and turn your back on me. Because that just isn't the case. I'll understand if you do this, I really will, but I was hoping that we could at least still be friends...

But before you hold this all together against me, let me explain to you my side of the story.

Some of you might already know this about me, but I really don't scare. My friends, and especially my roommate, think that I am overly desensitized to horror, and who knows, maybe they're right. However, one of the only things that can get to me is cannibalism. I can't help it, the idea of being eaten while you're still alive is, in my opinion, that absolute worst way to die. Seriously, I can't even deal with it.

This is why I generally give movies like 'The Hills Have Eyes' and 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' a wide berth. So, obviously, this is a statement that extends to Zombie films. It's only been the past couple of years that I've really been able to make myself sit down and watch zombie films without getting nauseous and generally a bit freaky.

It's really only on account of films like Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, and Fido that this girl was able to ease into the zombie genre.

Now that I've rambled about me, as I am like to do, Let's actually talk about The Dead Set.



The premise of The Dead Set revolves around the ever-popular British Reality Series Big Brother. Which, for those of you not in the know about this sort of thing, Big Brother is a show where a group of people are kept in a house together, secluded from all contact with the outside world. There are cameras installed everywhere within the house, so that the inhabitants are constantly being recorded, and there's also a "diary room" where people sit and talk into a private camera, generally about who in the house that they hate.

Every so often certain inhabitants are nominated to be "evicted" from the house, and the British public gets to vote for who they want out. Whichever housemate lasts through the series without being evicted gets a cash prize. In a creepy George Orwell-ian tribute, there is a giant glowing eye in the house through which a voice reminds the inhabitants that 'Big brother is watching you'.

I don't get it, but hey, my only real experience with the Big Brother franchise before this was an episode of Doctor Who.

So the heart of The Dead Set revolves around the fictitious group of current housemates, and the people who work behind the scenes producing and what have you.

The heroine of the series is arguably Kelly, who begins the story as a 'runner' on the show. Kelly and her boyfriend are in a bit of a tiff, which shouldn't be anything we care about, except that the boyfriend, Riq, is to become the window into the world outside the studio... so it's a little bit relevant.

It's eviction night, so tempers and what have you are up, everyone is stressed, inside and outside of the house. But the people in the studio are too caught up in the night of Big Brother that they entirely ignore the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

There is even a monitor that the backstage crew is watching, that has the news, showing what is happening outside in all its gores detail. Yet, the main concern is that 'Big Brother might be getting bumped for the news. Oh noes.

So, of course, no one knows/cares that there is a herd of zombies headed towards the crowd of Big Brother fans clustered outside the studio. So as the crowd is turned into flesh eating monsters, the zombie army quadruples, and really at that point it doesn't take much work at all for them to blunder, flailing, into the studio.

There aren't a lot places to run, hide, or make quick getaways to within that building, so the crew starts to drop like flies.



Kelly, in a feat of admirable Bad-ass-ery, manages to fight her way through the waves upon waves of former friends and coworkers, armed with only a large pair of scissors, until she makes it into the 'Big Brother' house.

To more or less set the majority of the case up to not be missed as they start dropping like flies, the housemates are pretty much idiots when Kelly comes stumbling into their house covered in blood and whispering about "the things outside".

In a fit of being a complete asshole, the one contestant not only starts to call Kelly, essentially, a dumb bitch, but then goes on to start impersonating the brother from the beginning of 'Night of the Living Dead' ; Lurching towards her with his arms out and saying "THEY'RE COMING TO GET YOU BARBRA!"

Because in that film, being a complete douchebag and saying that sort of thing ended so well for him.

People are dumb.

Anyway.

After mocking Kelly incessantly, that same douchebag decides to open the door that empties into the studio, letting a zombie into their former safe haven.

Smooth move Exlax.

I'm sure you can guess that it all goes even further to Hell in a hand basket past that point.




One thing that 'The Dead Set' tackled pretty well in its storytelling was the look at the human psyche, and what people are willing to do or act like during a crisis.

Prime examples come in the form of when the housemates finally realize that Kelly told the truth, as they look out at the flood of zombies behind their wall, and one of them says

"Does this mean that we aren't on telly anymore?"

Then there's Riq, and struggle to make his way to the studio, and to Kelly. Furthermore is the woman he teams up with along the way, who tells him that he hasn't had to do anything to survive, and how she had to shoot her best friend in the face in order to stay alive.

And there's always Kelly's boss, Patrick, who is more than willing to damn all the other survivors if it gives him the remotest chance of getting out of the compound alive.

So it could be argued that theme of 'The Dead Set', is that humanity is being destroyed by its own vanity. Which would make sense, given that zombie films have, in the past, often been means of conveying social commentary through the horror medium. And it's not as though there weren't many homages to George A. Romero throughout the mini-series anyway.

Unlike the Romero zombie franchise, however, the zombies of The Dead Set seem slightly more akin to those in 28 Days Later, in the sense that they can seriously run like hell.

While not a huge zombie fan, I take issue with this. In 28 Days Later it made sense, because it was more of a virus film than a zombie one, and it was virus that made you essentially rabid. These aren't rabid humans though, these are your run of the mill zombies, and anything that is pretty much hunks of un-refrigerated dead meat should not be impersonating Flo Jo.

I mean, because really, they are these rotting, festering things. Shouldn't they be too busy decomposing and taking on the traits of rigor mortis to be doing a 5k jog? I could be wrong, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

Also, I was amazed that Britain, which usually shies away from graphic violence, went so all-out with the gore of this thing. Really now, it was the sort of thing I would expect from Eli Roth or Rob Zombie, not my good friends across the pond.

There was a scene where a man is ripped apart and eaten, and the whole time he is bellowing at the zombies. And oh yes, the camera shows you everything in gut-wrenching detail. I was overjoyed. That was sarcasm.

So here's the thing kids; I think that if you were a dyed in the wool zombie fanatic, this just might be your cup of tea. If you're squeamish, you should probably just shuffle away as fast as your little legs can carry you.



Okay, so I don't want you to go away from this thinking that The Dead Set is merit-less. There are some definite good things about it.

For one, it has absolutely stunning cinematography. Once you get past the gore factor involved here, they framing and coloration of each scene is done in such perfection that the arty film nerd in me wanted to kiss the camera man and the editor of this thing.

There are also some EXTREMELY funny moments inside this. Sure, some of them are jokes that you feel like an eight year old boy for laughing at, but they are laughs all the same.

And there are a few characters, mainly Kelly and Riq, who you genuinely like and have sympathy for. You really want those kids to make it through the nightmare. And truly, a production is nothing without a hero or heroine that you can get behind.

I also have to give props to 'The Dead Set' for its realistic non-Disney ending.

In closing, let me just say, that 'The Dead Set' is only for the zombie enthusiast or those with extremely strong stomachs. If you had to shut your eyes during either Saw or Hostel, you'll really want to skip it all together. And if you don't, well, you were warned so don't come crying to me when you upheave your dinner.

So that's that I guess my darlings.

Until I get around to another of the 45165484798 reviews I'm behind on writing I'll just say:

Love and kisses

♥
Spooky Pie

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (1973)

Well, it's been awhile since I've done a good old fashioned review her at TGDH, too long, I know, I'm a bad girlfriend to you internets, I'm sorry. Moving on though, considering my overwhelming excitement about Guillermo Del Toro's re-imagining of "Don't be Afraid of the Dark" I thought I should see the original. Which turned out to be easier said than done.

Considering it was a made for TV movie from the 70's, it was stupidly difficult to hunt down. And when I finally did I ended up with a slightly rubbish version, that at times made weird blipping noises on the sound track, and at other times the audio didn't quite synch up, and was fairly grainy the whole way through. By I plodded through it, my darlings, I plodded through it for YOU.

Yes you, in the back of the room, trying to sneak out like you thought I couldn't see you! Sorry buster, pointing right at you, so get back in your seat, no one leaves until the presentation is over.

Anyway, stop distracting me now or we'll never get out of here. So 'Don't be Afraid of the Dark'. Wow, I feel that this is one that I can have an absolute Academic field day with, dissecting the intentional, or otherwise, symbolism that this film is filled to the brim with. On the surface, it's like 'Poltergeist', 'The Descent', and snippets of the original 'Dark Water' were thrown into a pot together and mashed up like potatoes. But, like I said, that's just on the surface. And if there is one evident thing that 'Don't be Afraid of the Dark' deals with, it's that what you see on the outside in no way matches the inner workings.



So before we pop the hood and take a look at the engine, so to speak, let's inspect the body of the thing, since so much of this film deals with the idea of a disconnect between inside and outside. So then, on the outside, our film opens with, seemingly, normal, well off, red-blooded American, husband and wife team Sally and Alex Farnham.

Sally has inherited an enormous, gorgeous, mansion from her grandmother. I can write volumes on how much I love that damn house, but we'll come to that later. Sally, however, thinks that Grandma didn't have half the sense God gave her when it comes to interior decorating, so her and her flamboyant decorator buddy are in the process of ripping the place to shreds and throwing as much paint, draperies, and area rugs to mask Grandmama's apparent poor taste. Alex, the human Ken doll, is content to let Sally just wreck as much havoc as possible, because hey, she's a woman, let's just let her do her womanly things.

Alex is generally not concerned about Sally's interests anyway. Alex is only concerned about Alex's business. He's a lawyer ... or something? He might just be a professional douchebag. His policy seems to be that if Sally isn't organizing a party or fixing him a sammich, she should just shut the Hell up. So as Sally continues to try and fill the hole in her soul that might otherwise be filled with spousal affection she stumbles in to dear old Grandad's boarded up study. And by study, I mean tiny dark room probably filled with mildew. For some reason or another Sally thinks that this place is HER IDEAL ROOM LIKE WHOA. LIKE SERIOUSLY, SHE NEEDS TO HAVE THIS ROOM LIKE FIVE DAYS AGO. And she in no way finds it odd that the fireplace is bricked up. Or that the old Carpenter man who has been helping with renovations says all kinds of creepy old man things about "some things being better left alone."

Sally decides that the old man, and probably her Grandad too, is a giant moron and just waits until he leaves and then jimmies the thing open with the tools he left behind. Because that's not a terrible idea or anything.



That is, of course, when everything goes to Hell. I bet you're shocked. I'm shocked, horrible things never happen when a somewhat spooky old man whose "done seen things with his own two eyes" is ignored. From that point on Sally starts being plagued by disembodied voices chanting her name, and doing juvenile pranks to make her look crazy.

All of these shenanigans start to make Sally go a bit apey, and Alex, being the supportive husband he is, basically informs her that she's stupid and to suck it up and throw him a party. But Sally wants her abusive asshole husband to be happy, so throws him a party despite being on the verge of a nervous collapse. Sally is a brave little soldier, so she puts on the most horrible 1970's dress she can get her hands on and plays the dancing bear for Alex's arrogant WASP friends. The little beasties Sally released from the fireplace don't like that these people are turning their house into party central, so they help Sally to have that mental breakdown that was in the making.



Alex is so sweet, and considerate, and attentive, that he is completely supportive of his wife's fragile mental state. And by supportive, I mean he sits her down and screams at the top of his lungs at her. He, in fact, at one point, bellows "STOP BEING SO SCARED" at her. I wish I was making that up. Obviously Alex won the title of 'Mr.Asshole '73'. So then Alex goes off with his fellow holier-than-thou bureaucrats and tells Sally that if she doesn't get the crazy out by the time he gets home he just might have to ship her off to one of those places that take care of hysterical women with overblown cases of the Vapors.

So then Sally is left alone with the little dudes that she let out. Who only show up when it's dark because they're ultra photosensitive. Fair enough. But honestly, much scarier before you actually see what they look like.

In theory, these things are akin to the "Crawlers" in 'The Descent'. Photosensitive beings that dwell in the underground, and shuffle around in the dark making bizzare noises. Although the similarity stops there, sure, I cut some slack because it's 1973. But the little demon things look like tiny sad old men with gorilla bodies. And that did kill a bit of the scare factor for this girl, sorry to say.



However, this film is a psychological goldmine. As when I discussed 'Candyman', I reiterate that I do not consider myself a feminist, but I could help but see a truly feminist angle to the film. Furthermore, 'Don't be Afraid of the Dark' comes across a more modernized version of the The Yellow Wallpaper. Just take away the fixation on ugly wallpaper with a woman supposedly lurking behind it, and make it a fixation on darkness dwelling creature and you have an almost direct parallel.

"It is very seldom that mere ordinary people like John and myself secure ancestral halls for the summer.
A colonial mansion, a hereditary estate, I would say a haunted house, and reach the height of romantic felicity--but that would be asking too much of fate! Still I will proudly declare that there is something queer about it.
Else, why should it be let so cheaply? And why have stood so long untenanted?
John laughs at me, of course, but one expects that in marriage.
John is practical in the extreme. He has no patience with faith, an intense horror of superstition, and he scoffs openly at any talk of things not to be felt and seen and put down in figures.
...
one's own husband, assures friends and relatives that there is really nothing the matter with one but temporary nervous depression--a slight hysterical tendency"

Intentional or otherwise, the resemblance is striking. Both women are wives of affluent husbands, both are expected to upkeep a certain appearance of Upper Society and any deviance is deemed dementia. In both cases as well the husband can be seen as just as much the aggressor as the women's respective "demons". And on the account of maintaining appearances, both women have to fight the evils on their own, while their husbands only start to be even remotely sympathetic when the hypothetical shit has already hit the fan.



Don't get me wrong. 'Don't Be Afraid of the Dark' is no masterpiece. It is flawed, intensely so. If you can get away from the fact that Sally is 'Miri' from the Original Star Trek episode of the same name, she doesn't exactly have the best acting skills, that and I had an intense paranoia that the other awful children from said Star Trek were going to show up at any minute, and that would be scarier than the cheaply done demons skulking through out the film. But bearing in mind that it was a made for TV movie from 1973, it actually holds its ground fairly well against cinema-bound movies of the same genre. If nothing else, it is worth a watch for the absolutely stunning house that it is shot in. Seriously, this girl would be beating down the door to live there.

Skulking demons be damned, I would vacuum up the little bastards and move on in.

However, it's an enjoyable, if not depth-plumbed watch. And it's a film that I cannot wait to see transformed in Guillermo Del Toro's more than capable hands.

I wanna do bad things with you

I'm sure by now most of you are aware that Season 3 of True Blood premieres tonight.

What most of you might not know is that I love True Blood more than most things. I've been, figuratively speaking, banging my head against my desk for nearly a year waiting for the new season.

Don't get wrapped up in the factor that pretty much all other television shows that I watch have had their season finales, making True Blood the only thing I really have worth watching right now. Does that mean that I only watch True Blood because it is the only thing to watch between the end of network TV's series season and the start of the new fall lineup?

No.

To the contrary I feel like I am killing time with most regular network television, waiting for June and True Blood.

I read the first couple of Sookie Stackhouse novels awhile back, and while better that most vampire literature being put out these days *cough*Twilight*cough* I was only vaguely amused. So when I heard the television series was being made I had my sincere doubts.

But then I ended up adoring the television show so much it verges on being ridiculous. I love the way the television series has developed the romance between Sookie and Bill, making it into a sort of epic love story and not "I'm sleeping with this vampire because I can't hear him think", I love the addition of the charecter Jessica, who at times I relate to too much, the fact that they did not kill off Lafayette like they did in the beginning of the second book, and I love how much time (though still maybe not enough) is spent on Pam.

So am I excited out of my wits that the new Season has started?
Yes.
Is it going to become the one thing I look forward to all week, just like it did last season?
Sadly, probably yes to that too.

But all puns aside, I can't wait to sink my teeth into this newest addition of one of the best things to come on television in years.