American Horror Story

So as many of you probably already know, last night saw the debut of Ryan Murphy's newest mess with your head spectacular American Horror Story. And sure there's only been one episode but I am exciiiiiiiiiteeeeeed. Pilot episodes are usually a bit shaky, and sure there were things about the pilot that could have been... better. I know I'm in the minority here, but I could have done with MUCH less naked Dylan McDermott. But overall. When it was over I had a whole "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I NEED TO WAIT A WEEK FOR THE NEXT EPISODE????"

Okay, so here's the obligatory synopsis for those of you who weren't lucky enough to catch it, or haven't heard of it, or fall into both categories. It's about this house, all right? This freakishly BEAUTIFUL house in Hollywood, which, of course, everyone who moves into dies really badly. And some people who just stumble into it die pretty bad too, as you see within the first five minutes. The Harmons, our American family who we are going to be sharing our living rooms with every week, move from Boston to said house. They're starting over because Ben (Dylan McDermott) can't keep it in his pants, so his marriage is in need of saving. Wife, Vivien (Connie Britton) is a slightly twitchy ex-cellist, who, while I wasn't too annoyed by, really reminded me of the kind of people that I get cornered by when I occasionally go to Whole Foods, who want to spend five years telling me why I shouldn't drink out of plastic water bottles, and I end up crying or going all Patrick Bateman on them and have to find a new grocery store.

Then there's the daughter, Violet, who I haven't seen in anything, but I probably have warmed to the most, just because I feel like back in the dark ages when I was a teenager we would have gotten on swimmingly. There's also the insane ex-starlet neighbor played by Jessica Lange, which is enough of a reason to watch the show, the creepy house keeper, and a host of minor characters that add to the atmosphere which is already completely AWESOME only one episode in. Mainly the first episode is settling you in the characters and the house, and it does that pretty well ... expect for when it becomes the Dylan McDermott's ass show... then this girl starts to yell at her TV, and attempt to toss pants through the screen.

It's moody and beautiful, and the music, oh sweet jesus, the music. I shouldn't be surprised that the music selection is so wonderful, it is from the team that gave me my number one guilty pleasure show Nip/Tuck, and while many will like to argue with me that Nip/Tuck was trash (and I'm not saying it wasn't), the music was AMAZING. And I seriously could just lick the camera work.

Do I have your attention yet? Because you should be watching this show. Okay, yes, it is a Ryan Murphy show on FX, which means that there is as much violence and sex as they can get onto cable, but we're horror fans! When has boobs and gore ever been an issue for us?

I for one, can't wait to see where it goes next, and am delighted that this is my kick off into my month long Halloween celebration. Well dears and darling, it is nearing the 5AM mark, and it means that it is time for this Spooky confection to crawl into bed before the sun makes an appearance. So Ta for now.

Love and kisses,
♥
Spooky Pie

Insidious (2011)

Dear Insidious,

what in the seven hells am I going to do about you? I have such conflicting feelings about you. Let's get one thing straight, you are not, by any stretch of the imagination a good movie. You are most certainly the exact opposite of that. The problem is there were definitely things about you that I really liked, and I feel like you had the potential to be a good movie and you just sort of went "OH GOD! WE CAN'T BE HAVING NONE OF THAT!!!!" and just threw your hands up and went squealing all the way to the dumpster where this film inevitably ended up.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, as I'm like to do. I'll blame it on my long absence from this blog and just missing all my Spooky Dos so damn much.
(seriously kids, how have you been? Mama's sorry she hasn't checked in on you)




The premise of Insidious is initially a rather simple one. Laughably so. Like you would look at the synopsis and go "wow... because THAT'S never been done."

Renai and Josh Lambert are a young couple who have just moved into a new house with their three children Dalton, Foster, and baby Cali. The house is question, looks like one that I've seen at least 7 horror movies take place in, and so I immediately question their collective wisdom in moving into it. I mean really, the interior looks just like the freaking house that they shot House of the Devil in... which should have been a tip off for me, since I was just so fond of that movie.

Shortly after they move in all sorts unsettling things start happening: Doors open and close on their own, phantom voices start talking through the baby monitor, you know fun stuff. And then Renai and Josh's son Dalton falls into a coma with no medical reason behind it whatsoever. Renai gets progressively more hysterical, and justifiably so, and is convinced that everything horrible happening to them is because the house. Josh, however, poo poos the whole thing until Renai finally has a big fat hysterical melt down and then he changes his tune to "oh damn, maybe we should move."

... yeah. Maybe you should.

So they move into a significantly less creepy, and smaller house. Why they needed to live in a house with eighty rooms to begin with was totally beyond me, but hey, I didn't write this movie. And all seems to be going better for everyone, except that Renai starts seeing a whole NEW bunch of dead things, all of which seem concentrated around their son Dalton.

Long story short, they end up calling in paranormal experts that made me feel like I was watching The Ghostfacers spin off of Supernatural. (It's okay if you didn't get that reference, I still like you). And it turns out it isn't the house, or houses, that are haunted, it's THEIR SON, because no one saw that coming. And all the spirits are drawn to the fact that there is essentially and empty living person that they want to cram their fat selves inside and take a stroll.




So here's the problem. If that was just the movie I would have been totally cool with it. Sure, it's a little predictable, but hey, that's fine. But then it turns into SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY and the last third of the movie turns into this really convoluted story about astral projection and demons, and lots of little sub plots get introduced only to be promptly forgotten.

And I end up thinking "Why couldn't we have just stayed with the ghosts? I liked the ghosts! The ghosts were GOOD", and it's true, they are. There are some genuinely spooky scenes of the ghosts that remind me of why Thirteen Ghosts is such a guilty pleasure for me; the ghosts are so DAMN COOL.

Not to mention the fact that title sequence was actually pretty nifty. It felt like a complete homage to the supernatural horror films of the 1970's. So I actually got my hopes up way too high because I thought for a hot minute that Insidious was going to be a new awesome cult movie that felt like it was made thirty years ago. And they had a fairly decent cast, Rose Byrne is absolutely lovely and fragile as Renai, and while it's taken me forever to stop thinking of Patrick Wilson just as "that pedophile from Hard Candy", he didn't too bad either (and I warmed to him considerably after Watchmen). Plus Barbara Hershey and Lin Shaye, who is no stranger to the horror circuit.

IT HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL AND THAT IS WHAT MADE ME SO ANGRY!

I won't lie I actually yelled in the theater when this movie ended. That's how much just "OH WHAT????" it built up in me.

It could have been amazing, instead it just turned into a really really weak attempt to become M. Night Shyamalan's ugly stepsister. I mean, good grief Insidious! Get some self respect! Look at your life! Look at your choices!

It's like they were writing the script and got to the last one third and just all looked at each other and went

"Oh God! What do we do now???"

"Give the bitches some weird demon nonsense! Bitches love weird demon nonsense!"

Which is erroneous you guys. At least this bitch was impressed anyway. And few things annoy me more in a movie then wasted potential. And if you were going to just throw some nonsense in at the last minute, at least make it like, the Cthulu or something.... or, you know, Benedict Cumberbatch.

Okay, so I'm going to collect myself and take some deep breaths now. You kids be good until I come back.

Love and kisses,
♥
Spooky Pie

House of Voices a.k.a Saint Ange (2004)

So this is the movie that begins the maiden voyage of this here horror blog of mine. With the 2004 French film "House of Voices" or "Saint Ange". There are other ones that I could have started with, and plenty that I plan to re-watch so as to blog about, but this was my most recent foray, and so it is the freshest in my mind.

I wouldn't call myself a stranger to Foreign horror films, on the whole I have found the most original horror movies of the past decades were NOT made in America. I've seen my fair share of films from Asia, Sweden, and more than a few from Spain, however this was my first French horror film. So I haven't seen any of director Pascal Laugier's other works, specifically Martyrs, although with all the buzz surrounding that one, I think I am going to have to add it into the queue.

I would like to tell you that there is a significant reason why this is the first movie to be reviewed here. That there was a compelling reason that made me say "AH-HA! THIS ONE!", but that would be a lie. The honest truth is that I had a few hours to kill, and this was one of the few horror films in my Netflix queue available for instant watch. So watch it instantly I did.


But I'm getting ahead of myself, these are all things for a later date, for now I am supposed to be talking about House of Voices.

The basic premise of this film surrounds an orphanage, and the young woman who becomes employed there. From the opening of the film we are introduced to the idea of the "scary children" by a wide-eyed little blond girl, afraid to use the orphanage's bathroom alone at night. We aren't told anymore about these "scary children", other than an over heard conversation, in which someone says "how many more children need to die here?" but this isn't a new concept, and you can pretty easily infer that something bad happened to other children and they are still roaming around the place.

While I say that this is not the most original of concepts, when you get down to it there really are few things that are creepier than undead children. Or evil children, or sometimes, just children in general. This is part of what made films like Ringu, The Omen, Dark Water, and The Exorcist so effective.

Creepy, creepy children.

So we open with the "Scary Children", and then after the title we meet the leading lady. Our heroine, Anna's story is just as implied as the whispered "scary children". She is pregnant, and going to great lengths to hide it, this is understandable, considering the post World War II setting of the film, where a single mother would definitely not be well received. But aside from the pregnancy nothing else is spelled out, there is mention of her needing to "start over", and a flash back-esque short dream sequence involving her being surrounded by a group of men. We are also later shown her scarred back, and it is implied that this is the work of her past employers, and maybe then so is the pregnancy?

She has been hired to essentially care-take, I believe, the Saint Ange orphanage until new children are to be brought in. One such child, on her way out whispers to Anna to "beware the scary children", which serves as the catalyst for the rest of the film. The character of the headmistress is incredibly severe, and really only developed enough to show the viewer that she is harsh, and shifty, and more than likely hiding some sort of dark secret. Probably about the "scary children". The Headmistress, however, leaves as soon as the children do, and Anna is left with the Chef, Helenka, and the barking mad waif named Judith.

Judith was once an orphan at Saint Ange, but she was never adopted, more than likely because of the aforementioned insanity. We are not given her age, but she appears to be between 18 to 21, but when asked about her age she gets all together unreasonably offended. When she's not wafting about the orphanage playing dress up, or just being generally mad, Judith tends to mumble about the children "wanting to play", or "coming to her in her sleep".

Anna becomes closer to Judith as she becomes more and more obsessed with finding out what happened to the children. However, there is not really the feeling that the motivation for Anna's interest in the children is anywhere near maternal, or because she is pregnant. It seems to be more her distraction from her own life is to pry into the lives of the "scary children" and Judith's connection to them.

Anna is an obviously emotionally wounded character, she repeatedly makes decisions that are not logical, but not unexpected. And even though she is warned time and time again against prying into the past of the Saint Ange Orphanage, and despite the fact that every new thing she uncovers should deter her from going any further, the obsession just grows.

To be fair though, if she gave up as soon as things got a bit eerie there would not be much of a movie.



The strength of the movie truly lies in the visual aspects of it. There is a definite dream like quality to it, if nothing else can be said, this movie is absolutely beautiful to look at. And Laugier's decision to take his film in a psychological direction, where there are no "BOO!" moments, but subtle, creeping instances, (a half seen figure of a child here, a ghostly hand print there)is rather clever, and further the surreal aspect.

He does understand the idea that what you imagine is in the shadows will inevitably be more terrifying than what film can produce, it is best to let the viewer scare themselves senseless. However, the reveal of the film, when you find out the origin of the "scary children" and indeed, see them, you are not disappointed like is generally the case when the "monster" or what-have-you is finally shown.

When you see the "scary children" they are sufficiently scary. Laugier promises creepy little kids, and he delivers on it.

However, unfortunately, after the reveal the film seems to kind of sputter. The conclusion feels disjointed from the rest of the film, and I am left wondering if Laugier was up against a deadline and just said:
"Oh hell, I just need to END this movie" and we are left with a lot of build-up and then a kind of "wait... what was that even?"

When looking around the internet I saw that this movie was getting a very mixed reception, and after viewing it I understand why. It's not for everyone.
It is, at times, almost more of an art film than a horror. It is much slower paced than what most horror movie goers will be willing to sit through, it is quiet, and thoughtful. Laugier doesn't spell anything out, you have to come to your own conclusions. That being said, some of those conclusions are nearly impossible to get to.

I can't say this is a movie I would recommend to the horror fan crowd in general. However, if you are someone who is interested in a sensitive, almost fairy-tale sort of ghost story, this meets that.

But if you are looking for a solidly creepy, mind bending, orphanage movie that makes you surprised and aghast at the great reveal, this is not it. If that's what you want, instead see Guillermo Del Toro's "The Orphanage", because that film is absolutely AMAZING, and I fully intend on doing a re-watch so as to write a long, fan-girlish, review on it.